This past few weeks, i didn't have mood to post anything in my blog. There's so many stuff playing in my mind, i feel so weak and tired but yet i have to keep on moving forward. I tried so hard but still not enough, seems like the luck is not on my side. Feel like I've been born with a bad karma.
I carried a burden that i can't handle, it's too heavy until i can't even stand on my own feet, i almost gave up everything, but my mission is not even completed. There still someone who depends on me, and that what really concern me most; What if i can't give my hand in the future. I'm losing my self, , i was confused because the burden keep on heavier than before, I'm thinking of my next plan and my problem at my house balcony, seems like there's is no solution at all, so then my mind told me to jump so then all the pain gone. I almost follow the command but suicide is not the answer. I still have my self conscious, and i know there still a lot things i yet not discover. I sat on the edge of my balcony, my tears fall down, picture of my old folks, siblings, girlfriend appear in my mind, i really miss them a lot; after a few minutes I regain my strength and told my self "It's not over yet".
For what had happen lately make me think that I'm useless, as a friend, boyfriend and a brother. I wish i can spin the time backward and finish up things that I'd quit. Maybe if i continue it, i have a better future and for sure i can handle this situation now. But, no matter what, i have to accept the fact that it's already to late to regret on everything.
But, i still not surrender. As long i have both of my arm and legs, i know i can do it. I willing to sacrifice everything even for my own future. What bear in my mind now is, everything should be back to normal like before, so while waiting for the moment, i have to do what can i do best.
Now, i know feeling what make people killing them self, a question without any answer, yelling for help but no one there to hear, a problem without any solution, and many more reason.
I'm glad choose the right decision. I still have unaccomplished mission, and it should be done.
I carried a burden that i can't handle, it's too heavy until i can't even stand on my own feet, i almost gave up everything, but my mission is not even completed. There still someone who depends on me, and that what really concern me most; What if i can't give my hand in the future. I'm losing my self, , i was confused because the burden keep on heavier than before, I'm thinking of my next plan and my problem at my house balcony, seems like there's is no solution at all, so then my mind told me to jump so then all the pain gone. I almost follow the command but suicide is not the answer. I still have my self conscious, and i know there still a lot things i yet not discover. I sat on the edge of my balcony, my tears fall down, picture of my old folks, siblings, girlfriend appear in my mind, i really miss them a lot; after a few minutes I regain my strength and told my self "It's not over yet".
For what had happen lately make me think that I'm useless, as a friend, boyfriend and a brother. I wish i can spin the time backward and finish up things that I'd quit. Maybe if i continue it, i have a better future and for sure i can handle this situation now. But, no matter what, i have to accept the fact that it's already to late to regret on everything.
But, i still not surrender. As long i have both of my arm and legs, i know i can do it. I willing to sacrifice everything even for my own future. What bear in my mind now is, everything should be back to normal like before, so while waiting for the moment, i have to do what can i do best.
Now, i know feeling what make people killing them self, a question without any answer, yelling for help but no one there to hear, a problem without any solution, and many more reason.
I'm glad choose the right decision. I still have unaccomplished mission, and it should be done.
